today I sit and ponder about "Celebrate the Darkness". I am reading Brennan Mannings book"The Signature of Jesus" and chapter 7 was "celebrate the darkness". Now, when I think about this I think about worshiping during the hard times in life...but I think it is more than that. I can't quote anything from his book because I am sitting here at work and don't have his book in front of me. However, I am realizing that all these years I have spent in church listening to preachers, good and bad, I have never heard about this darkness. Now, I realize I am only 22 years old, but don't you think I should hear about this before I experience it? Well apparently no one thought that, so I have sat for about 2 years now in this darkness feeling like a failure. For those of you who have not read his book, which I highly recommend, this darkness is those times when the newness of our faith wears off and we sit waiting and wondering where is God? Did He just decide to leave me? So many preachers use all this fancy talk about God and how great He is and what a wonderful God He is and how much He loves us. Or they spend time condemning people who don't agree with them and feeling like they have this authority over everyone and they are the only people who could possibly know what God wants. But no one tells you that at some point in life you are going to not only question His existence, but you will question His character. You will feel like David did in the Psalms when he cried out asking if God was deaf. I am not saying any of this to talk about the sadness of the darkness...but the celebration part is that you come out stronger...those times are what make you fall to your knees and pray more than you ever have before. Those are the moments when you are at a crossroads in your faith...you can totally turn your back on Him at this moment and never look back. Or you can choose to continue to search for Him. You can look around and eventually you will find Him because although He is quiet, He is still there. My only complaint about this time in people's life is that no one prepares you for it. We are told it's ok to doubt our faith as long as we still have faith, but what about those times when we feel alone? It isn't enough to say "you aren't alone, God is there". What a stupid response to someone who feels that way. So as a Christian, I am making a commitment that from now on, I will not hide this feeling I have had, I will share it. Esp with people who are newbies. They should never be told all the good without the bad. To say "it's a hard road" is an understatement. So right now I am praying for all those preachers who make Christianity into something it's not, because you are doing many people a real injustice.
Ps- sorry for my soap box...I just had to tell you these new profound discoveries I am having!!
LOVE this thought. so many people completely lose their faith during dark times. Jesus warned us and the apostles lives' were examples that it wouldn't be easy--in fact, it might be harder once you're a Christian. but i think in america, we like to glaze over that and focus on the promises of "abundance" instead..as if it's a promise for a good job, a big house, shiny new cars, and a bunch of pretty friends who love you all the time. that's just not real. i'm just coming out of a 4 yr period of total loneliness. and i'm entering the part of celebration now..that i made it through and my heart is bursting now. i wish we lived closer so i could come hang out with you and hold that baby for you when she's crying...and you could go nap. :)
ReplyDelete~heather