Jason...

So lemme just start by saying that this is a story about my relationships...but since it ends with Jason...I decided to title it that.
It started in high school, I was an awkward, crazy, loud young innocent girl. In middle school I actually held my boyfriend's hand...and that was a BIG deal!!! So here I was, a freshman and I found my first love. He was the man of my dreams (or so I thought). He was funny and loved music. He came to church with me and was baptized at my parents' house. We had so much fun going out and hanging out. We were practically best friends. We did everything together. We drove with the windows down singing at the top of our lungs. But, it was too good to be true. After five years, we ended. Just like that. We remained friends for a while, but as time passed by, things just ended as abruptly as they had begun.

Next, I spent some time with a wonderful man. This guy was probably there to help me heal. We also enjoyed singing together and going out. We did all kinds of things. This one was gentler, kinder, he was a healer. He was more mature, older. Our relationship ended and we both moved on. But to this day, we have remained friends. He is a wonderful guy and I am so glad we are friends!

Then, along came the man God had been preparing for me. He was handsome, loving, caring, kind, gentle, fun. He was everything I had not only wanted, but needed. He was so charming. We fell in love like I had never experienced before. And that is where it ended. We were married, had a beautiful daughter Xoe, and  the rest is yet to come. But, he is definitely where my love ended. He is my best friend, my support, my husband, my baby's daddy, my confidant, my everything. I love with all my heart. He is a good leader. He loves God and leads our family to a wonderful relationship with God. He is my role model. I never thought I could be this happy, but now I know why God created man and woman to be together.

Mommyhood and wifehood...

I LOVE my life! I love being a mom, I love being a wife, I love being me. Xoe is at the stage right now where everyday is a new adventure. She is growing so fast! One day she is a tiny infant in my arms so adorable and tiny. She didn't smile (on purpose), she didn't make sounds (on purpose), she didn't laugh. She was just totally dependent. Now I have this adorable baby who is so big! All 16 lbs of her! She is sooo long I can't hold her in my arms laying down anymore. She is talking, laughing, and almost sitting up on her own! She does new things everyday. She will sing in the car to the radio. She is just such an angel. She is such a happy and pleasant baby!! I am sooo in love!!

I LOVE my husband! Jason is the man of my dreams! He is loving, caring, kind, outgoing! Just everything I ever wanted! He has been so patient with me as I make mistakes as a wife and a mom. He has been such a wonderful daddy to Xoe. I always make comments about her being a daddy's girl, but considering the fact that her daddy is sooo great, I'm so ok with that! He loves her so much. He is so much fun! We enjoy our time together so much. I feel very fortunate because not all married couples can say that. He has always encouraged me to follow my dreams, but more importantly, he is right there next to me holding my hand and following my dreams with me. He has just been awesome.

I am such a blessed woman! I love my family so much!  

My Life...

So this weekend has been fun! My brother, Taylor, brought home some friends from college! We had a great time! His friends were great kids and we enjoyed feeding the homeless in ATL with them! It was awesome! We went to the Bankhead Village (which I LOVE) and saw George and James and Rico. They are awesome!! Brandon had his album release party last night. His band did an AMAZING job!! We all had a great time! It was awesome! Xoe has been just growing like a weed! She is getting so big and I am loving being a mommy!! :) My life is everything I want it to be right now! I am so blessed with a great family and so many (unspoken) awesome things that are happening! I am just so grateful to be alive with a loving family, friends, and new adventures everyday! Sorry this is short and sweet but that's just how my life is right now. I am not eternal on this Earth and yet it is short but sweet!! :)

The Darkness...

today I sit and ponder about "Celebrate the Darkness". I am reading Brennan Mannings book"The Signature of Jesus" and chapter 7 was "celebrate the darkness". Now, when I think about this I think about worshiping during the hard times in life...but I think it is more than that. I can't quote anything from his book because I am sitting here at work and don't have his book in front of me. However, I am realizing that all these years I have spent in church listening to preachers, good and bad, I have never heard about this darkness. Now, I realize I am only 22 years old, but don't you think I should hear about this before I experience it? Well apparently no one thought that, so I have sat for about 2 years now in this darkness feeling like a failure. For those of you who have not read his book, which I highly recommend, this darkness is those times when the newness of our faith wears off and we sit waiting and wondering where is God? Did He just decide to leave me? So many preachers use all this fancy talk about God and how great He is and what a wonderful God He is and how much He loves us. Or they spend time condemning people who don't agree with them and feeling like they have this authority over everyone and they are the only people who could possibly know what God wants. But no one tells you that at some point in life you are going to not only question His existence, but you will question His character. You will feel like David did in the Psalms when he cried out asking if God was deaf. I am not saying any of this to talk about the sadness of the darkness...but the celebration part is that you come out stronger...those times are what make you fall to your knees and pray more than you ever have before. Those are the moments when you are at a crossroads in your faith...you can totally turn your back on Him at this moment and never look back. Or you can choose to continue to search for Him. You can look around and eventually you will find Him because although He is quiet, He is still there. My only complaint about this time in people's life is that no one prepares you for it. We are told it's ok to doubt our faith as long as we still have faith, but what about those times when we feel alone? It isn't enough to say "you aren't alone, God is there". What a stupid response to someone who feels that way. So as a Christian, I am making a commitment that from now on, I will not hide this feeling I have had, I will share it. Esp with people who are newbies. They should never be told all the good without the bad. To say "it's a hard road" is an understatement. So right now I am praying for all those preachers who make Christianity into something it's not, because you are doing many people a real injustice.

Ps- sorry for my soap box...I just had to tell you these new profound discoveries I am having!!

A letter to Xoe

 Xoe,


You entered in our lives at just the right time. You were so perfect when you were born. We looked at you and knew we were in love. You made me realize that love is something so perfect. So infinite. I never knew I could love anyone as much as I love you. You are the most beautiful and sweet girl. You bring a smile to my face when I am sad. It's like you know me from the deepest part of my soul. When I look at you its like looking at the most innocent and perfect thing ever. I am human, so I will mess up. I already have. I am learning what you do when you're hungry, sleepy, hurting, etc. I won't always do the right thing. I won't be able to fix your broken heart. I won't be able to fix your boo-boos. I can't always help you and I can't always be with you. But I will do my best to be the mommy you need me to be. I will always love you. I will always protect you. I will always be here for you when you need me. I will always do everything I can to be the person you need me to be. I will teach you how to tie your shoes, how to brush your hair, how to put on make up, how to drive, how to love, how to be a good wife and mom, and most importantly, how to love the Lord. You are my baby. I am so excited to see what you will become. Will you be a teacher? Will you be a missionary? A doctor? A baker? I know God has a plan for your life and I will do my part to make sure you know how much He loves you and knows His perfect plan for you. I will never give up on you my sweetest. I love you. 

Love forever,
your mommy

The beginning

This is the beginning. The beginning of a New Year, a new me, a new blog. Ok, well this is the first blog I have ever written. Well perhaps first I should explain why I am starting a blog. My life has changed so much in the past year. I have celebrated my first anniversary with my wonderful husband, I have had a baby, I have moved to Carrollton from Douglasville, then back to my home town of Hiram. With all of the new things happening everyday, I have decided I want to keep track of what is happening in my life.

So, let's start with some new things for this year. I have made quite a few resolutions this year. 1.) I want to be a better mommy. I am still learning about motherhood and balancing my life and everyday presents new triumphs, new struggles, new joys, new hardships. But through all of it, I want to be the best mom I can be. I love my darling Xoe Grace and want to always be the best I can be for her. 2.) I want to complete my 2nd and 3rd semesters of college. I currently am taking online classes at Western Governors University online and I am enjoying feeling accomplishment and success as I go through my courses. 3.) I want to grow spiritually. This seems like an obvious thing, but I really am having a difficult time balancing all of this. I am going to read my Bible during nap times, even if that means I don't get a nap or a shower that day. 4.) I want to minimize my debt. I am trying to pay everything on time and get caught up to where I should be. 5.) I guess would be that I want to be a better wife. I want to be more patient (which Jason would tell you is definitely my weakness!)

I think in general I just want this year to really be different. I am 22 and things are starting to get hectic in our lives. We have a child, jobs, marriage, a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, sleep, money, time, etc. that we have to learn to balance. I have to be different this year! I know I can do it!!