So this weekend we have finally been able to move into our new house! We are renting, but it is so nice to be in a house instead of an apartment where I have to keep Xoe quiet so I don't wake the people next door or upstairs or downstairs. It is a cute little old home and I think we are both super excited to be back on our own.
On another note this weekend has really brought me into some deeper thoughts. All of my high school friends are graduating college this weekend. I am so proud of each and every one of them. But it brings me into thinking about my life. I decided to do things the non-traditional way, much to my family's dismay. Don't get me wrong, they are happy for me that I am married and have an adorable little girl who I wouldn't trade for money, fame, or anything this world can offer. But there seems to be this lingering question in my mind about what if I had done things the way I planned. I value education and have always wanted to open my own preschool for under privileged children who live in homes where their families can't afford to pay for preschool. In high school I always thought I would graduate, spend 4 yrs at Berry College, graduate with an Early Childhood Education degree, and go off to teach somewhere. After 1 semester, my dreams came tumbling down when my school informed me my scholarship wouldn't get me through the next semester, so I took a semester off without a choice since I didn't have time to move home and enroll somewhere without being VERY behind. I also met Jason. I was sooo in love with him. He was so different from the guys of my past and he actually encouraged my dreams and loved me despite my quirkiness. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I did another semester of school and we got married. We knew we wanted kids early on and we want atleast 4, so we started trying and within weeks we were pregnant! I was so happy!! But there was always that lingering voice telling me I should have done things the "right" way. I love my family and I love my life, but I don't really fit in anywhere because of my choice to be a young mom and go to school while parenting. I have friends in all different walks of life. Some are young parents who got pregnant before marriage, some are older people with children close to Xoe's age who experienced college and have a degree. Some are friends who are dating or getting married soon. Some are married with no kids. But where does that leave me? I am the odd man out. I know I chose this life, but I don't think I realized how incredibly lonely it could be. Even my grandmother says things like," I love Xoe, but I wish you didn't have her yet. You should have finished school and been married longer." I understand that IS the "normal" way to do things, but I couldn't let the man of my dreams get away, and I couldn't give up this life for the way I'm supposed to do things. So I'm graduating from being a person who fits the mold. I'm going to graduate from being who everyone wants me to be and be who I want to be. Who I am called to be. I'm unique, but I will get my degree (in 2014! ha ha!) and I will have a happy family, even if we are poorer than dirt! I will stay home with my kids like I always wanted, and me and Jason will sacrifice friendships and eating out and living the good life to make sure our family has a place to live and food on the table. And I will be thankful for the weird and hectic life I have chosen!! :)
Sorry to ramble...just some thoughts on my mind.
